


It is easier to let go than hold on sometimes.

by lukegarmadon



Category: Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Anyways, Canon-Typical Violence, boyyyy, exploring the toxic repercussions of clovis arc anidala, i think, its so wildly different from prequels anidala, my thoughts about it will be in the notes, padme gets growth, talking about padme getting growth
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-12
Updated: 2020-12-12
Packaged: 2021-03-10 20:55:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 644
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28023546
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lukegarmadon/pseuds/lukegarmadon
Summary: Her mouth is dry of words as she watches with a facade of numbness under her bubbling emotions.
Relationships: Padmé Amidala/Anakin Skywalker
Comments: 4
Kudos: 9





	It is easier to let go than hold on sometimes.

**Author's Note:**

> i love anidala with all my heart, i do. but, sometimes, tcw’s portrayal of anidala is far different from the prequels. to say, something’s do not make sense - for starters, the whole clovis arc, yes? naturally, it doesn’t fit with the narrative of padmé not believing that anakin did things out of rage nor would she be surprised over him hurting her. so, in the light of tcw, i guess i’m gonna do a quick prose kind of thing here. personally, i do see anakin getting lost over his protective anger but i don’t see it the way tcw portrays it with the alpha male bs which is totally what anakin is not about. so in other words, padmé gets growth after the clovis arc + exploring other possible elements behind their relationship. i will mostly be following tcw’s interpretation of the characters so it might be vastly different from the prequels :)

It scares her - her heart pounding as she screams at him to stop. He never listens. She watches him throw punches at the other man in the room, a gasp escapes from her back of her throat as her cocoa-colored eyes wide with fear. Padm é watches from afar with her mouth gaping at the scene as he hurls his fists at Clovis as his face is twisted into a dangerous scowl that makes her feel fearful to approach him. Primal rage glows in his eyes as the two men continue to fight, hurling fists and kicking. Clovis does not stop either - oh, that idiot man does not know what he is dealing with - as he tries to impose his will with his scrawny arms but only to be met with more pain. His form is sloppy and could be easily hurt, every hiss of pain proves as a testament to how inexperienced he is. Nevertheless, he stands up again and tries to fight but he’s knocked onto the coffee table as the precious cutlery falls to the ground with a clatter as a dark crimson liquid seeps into the dark carpets and stains the polished floor. 

  
  


His breathing is hard as his nostrils flare in his fury - his heart burns like a furnace; it is so stinging hot - the sound of the dull thuds against the floor makes her freeze in fear. Something feels so wrong about this whole thing and it finally occurs to her why. She does not feel safe if that is what the man is capable of. She briefly remembers what happened a few days ago when Anakin grabbed her by her arm and asked her - no, more like demanded,  _ “As your husband, I demand- _ ” - she shudders at the thought, she is her own person and she thinks he would no better after spending nine years as a slave but he seems not to. She gives up and just watches from the side as she shields her eyes whenever the scene gets particularly uncomfortable. Her mouth is dry of words as she watches with a facade of numbness under her bubbling emotions.

  
  


When he stops, his anger dissipates - he looks at his fist with nothing but remorse and guilt - Clovis lays on the floor, his skin mottled with blues and blacks. Anakin steps away as he whispers an apology although she does not know how heartfelt it is. At this moment, she does not care as she crouches next to the man and avoids meeting with the cerulean eyes that she once found love in as now it is replaced with fear and disgust. The medics come in, dressed in their turquoise garb and their steady eyes oversee Clovis onto a stretcher. Anakin watches from afar, the dim amber lights casting long shadows over his face as his throat bobs, betraying his guilt and remorse. He tries to apologize again but she cuts it and leaves the room. She ignores his longing looks as she walks out of the room down the stairs to the balcony and opts to watch the speeders pass by. 

  
  


***

“We can’t be together anymore,” she says, her voice dangerously soft in the fear that it would push him off to the edge, “ I don’t feel safe and our marriage is basically built on lies - we can’t go on like this, not anymore,”

Her heart does not break but she searches inside herself for some sort of grief only to be met with numbness. She ignores Anakin, whose face resembles kicked tooka, she watches him slowly leave the room as she stared blankly at a portrait before her. He leaves on his speeder as she feels a lump in her throat and relief washing over her. She walks away and disappears upstairs into her bedroom and has a fitful sleep without much thoughts or feelings. 

  
  



End file.
